I have to say, I'm in a funk. Hayden is regressing. I have no idea why. His behavior is atrocious, and I am completely turning into a bipolar mess. I'm either quietly saying, "Hayden, no, don't do that," as he bounces up and down in a booth at Chili's while attempting to attack a light with a french fry (GFCF, of course), or I'm screaming at him, the dogs, my husband (and everyone else from God to the devil) and debating on checking out.
Back to my out of town (and out of body) experience. Please take into consideration that I'm not John Tesh, but I do have some freakin' Intelligence For Your Life to pass along today. Stop staring. Just SSSSTTTOOOOPPPPPP. I've always hated people who stare (well, except for men and that's another story which doesn't happen to me), but having a child with autism practically guarantees it. Yes, my son occasionally makes funny noises. No, he doesn't mind me. No, he doesn't need a spanking (because frankly, I've already tried that). I thought I was going to have to open a can of whoop-ass on an elderly couple today in Target. Unfortunately, I was so distracted in a futile attempt to control my child that I simply didn't have time to deal with them. And heaven help them if they had shared a negative comment.
I guess what I'm trying to say (for those of you who don't know autism, and that pretty much rules out most everyone who reads my blog) is to mind your own business (that is, unless you have a cash donation or extra set of hands to donate). If I've learned anything from autism, it's that I refuse to stare at any situation, no matter how strange. A child could be swinging from the light fixtures or perhaps a couple is getting it on at the table next to me. I...don't...care. Autism happened. Because after all, autism does travel.
I completely understand. Last week in the grocery store Zane started walking up to people and touching their faces. That's how he says "hi". The people were startled because they didn't see him coming and quite frankly, they didn't understand why this "normal looking kid" is invading their private space. I had to say, "sorry, he has autism. That's how he says hello." I was mortified. You would have thought we were from another planet. It was all I could do not to break down and leave the basket in the middle of the store. I feel your pain sister. People have no idea what it is like to live this life.
ReplyDeleteDana
I'm guilty of doing this, staring at a child that's having a complete breakdown in public and silently condemning the parents. After reading this, I'm going to stop. So thanks for that....
ReplyDeleteAndy Warhol said that fat people at a buffet should cram as much food on a plate as possible. Everyone knows they are fat, by sticking carrots and leafy greens on a plate meant to be carried by some 85 pound anorexic it not only looks ridiculous it makes for a miserable life for the fat person. Pile it on! Go back for seconds and thirds.
ReplyDeleteMy point is that why try to put something other than autism on your plate? Pile it on. Who needs control? The more out of control the better.
We are on our 3rd week of letting Ben be a monster. His new thing is spitting, hard to ignore but we do. We started this because I reached for him during one of his flair-ups and he actually flinched as if I was going to smack him. Flinch? Ben afraid of something? Not right. Id rather have broken toys than him being scared of me. So we by and large just let him go, of course he has to clean up after and apologize. And I will more than likely die from my head exploding holding all this in while he goes off as he does.
Im a big fat person going through a buffet line of all you can eat autism. Im piling it on, why pretend things should be any different. Ive been to many a doctor and just minutes before entering the office will ask my wife if she thinks the doctor will say nothing's wrong with him and Im always crushed when they say there is. Its insanity, Ben has autism. We have autism by proxy. Our lives are consumed with autism, why pretend it isn't?
One of the things we are doing that seems to be helping the temper stuff is telling Ben stories that involve someone getting upset, throwing things, hitting, spitting and how silly it is and how Ben calms the person down. We just started it and it seems to help, he actually asked me to tell one of the stories last night, the one about his favorite teacher getting mud on her, how she wigs out and Ben calms her and cleans off the mud.
Pile it on deeper and higher, ya know you want to!
I don't have experience with Autism, but I do have two kids that can have a bad day. I'm sure it is nothing at all similar to the level of what you deal with, but kids are kids and sometimes they act up. They can't be perfect little angels all the time. Add that to the fact that you never know what someone else is dealing with or going through and you are exactly right, people should just shut the fuck up. Period. Sorry you have to deal with that.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the staring. I guess people think we just have brats and we don't care!! As for the regression, Princess has done the same thing. We started her on probiotic and this has seem to help but it's only been a couple days. I read an article the other day about vitamin D. We have only had Princess one winter but I was wondering if her vitamin D level was low. The article was about autism and low levels of vitamin D. If I find the article again, I will send the address to you. Good luck and stay positive.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog :) I really like your attitude about your sons autism. You are awesome!
ReplyDeleteI have a little something for you over at my place...
ReplyDeleteI hear ya!!! I had to say "What the F**K are you staring at?" to some guy that wouldn't take his eyes off my son having a tantrum!
ReplyDeleteWow. You're a rock, and I really admire you. Tell everyone else to shove it, and keep being a great mom.
ReplyDelete(Thanks for visiting, by the way! Returning the favor from SITS.)
Thank you for writing this. I too am guilty of passing judgement on how others raise their children or treat them, especially in public. Thanks to your post, I will think first and then "shut the fuck up".
ReplyDeleteRight on, sister. Been there. I get it. They do not. My little bird is going through a bit of a regression as we heal some returning bacteria in her little gut. This is not a fun time. Autism sucks balls. Not sure if it's ever gonna get easier but a little compassion from others would help!!
ReplyDeletei think you're doing an incredible job -- and, handling the difficulties with grace and humor. your son is incredibly lucky to have a mama like you.
ReplyDeleteas far as the, regression, all kids -- autistic and otherwise -- go through that from time to time. while i'm not an expert on YOUR son or YOUR family i have worked with a lot of special needs kids, and i know that these phases wax and wane. there are good times, and not-so-good times, and just giving into the ebb and flow is all you can really do.
I guess I didn't realize that I do this until I read your blog! People always assume that it's just bad parenting when you see a child "acting out!" You know what they say about assuming something!! Lol... Thanks for shedding some light on this!
ReplyDeleteI saw your site on SITS and thought I would stop by for a visit. I am liking what I am seeing/reading.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good lesson for us all. We need to look at ourselves before passing judgments.
We have been there many times! One lady actually asked us why we can't shut our child up. Nice, huh? I am baffled that with the rates being what they are (1 in 70 boys on the spectrum), people still stare as if they don't have a clue. REALLY???
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to read about your son's regression. We have come to realize this journey is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs that never end. When Gabe has a regression, it is usually followed by something great. BUT, when we see great improvements, it is usually accompanied by something negative... like an increase in stimming or something. So frustrating! Hang in there! I am still enjoying your blog and glad I found it. :)
Yes ma'am. Take a sip and pass the cup around! :D
ReplyDeleteHey, I just wanted to let you know that was me (not that you care) but I'm MamaMayhem :D I was logged into my other/private blog account.
ReplyDeleteCame to you by way of Dual Mom, I have an older son with Asperger's. When he was younger it was very hard to go out with him. But we had a wonderful ABA work with us. It took some work and some time, but now we are able to go out and enjoy ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI am just like the poster that said she silently condemns a parent as bad when a child is acting like this. I will not do this again. We never know what the circumstances are and, really, kids can have bad days like us and do not know how to say or show it like we do. Thank you for this post. You have changed how many of us look at this.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from SITS! Please stop by!
http://extremepersonalmeasures.blogspot.com/
Oh Crystal, I have been there and been there. Thought more than once that people were calling the cops on us for trying to buckle him into his carseat. Or, for trying to transition from one place to another. I am past those days. My son is 14 and almost human. No more head banging. No more high-pitched screams, or bouncing in his crib for hours. No more insanity. Of course, we still don't SLEEP. We still miss lots of school from anxiety. We still have food issues. We still suffer from inertia and paralysis. We don't go out much, and when we do it's "Can we go home now?" Autism IS the bitch, not you.
ReplyDeleteVictoria
You know what? This is good, very good. My son has severe autism. I'm loving the posters saying they get it now. They'll stop. We went through a spell where I bought a Tshirt. Don't get me started on having to label my kid like a fruit jar, but things were getting ugly out there. Anyway, it says "I have autism, what's your excuse?" I love that shirt. We wore it shoe shopping and to the grocery store for a year. Women have actually come up and tried to PARENT my son for me! Keep spreading the awareness. Autism isn't going anywhere, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm stalking your blog because you made a cool comment on mine. And what struck me most? The above pix of Shut the Fuck Up! I wish I could be deeper, but alas this brought me to tears wanting to comment. Thank you! You are the first Mom I've found that is blogging about autism that doesn't seem sappy and seems to have an edge, and I dig it.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm certainly not afraid to tell it like it is. :) I appreciate the comment. :)
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