Well, Color Me Happy

So I'm just now getting around to thanking the random stranger who nominated my little blog for the 2010 Top Autism Blog Awards. While I don't think I'm a good writer, apparently one good soul disagrees. Or maybe they just feel sorry for me. Either one is fine.

If I did have an acceptance speech, it would go something like this (not that this is planned...ahem): I'd like to thank my family, who give me random things to make fun of on a daily basis. I'd like to thank my muse, who brought me into writing by giving me such a headache that I was forced to spew or blow up. I can't forget my autism warriors, most of whom are as troubled as I am, but lead more fulfilling lives and lack the time that must be dedicated to such a crafty sport as blogging. Last but not least, to my agent, who had faith in this weary soul before I did. All of whom have endured my endless rants ranging from boobs to poop (and other tales from various bodily parts) without complaint. I couldn't have spawned Autism's Bitch without you.

Thanks again! I'll continue to represent our unfortunate group as long as the excitement doesn't end.

2010 Top Autism Blog Awards

Camouflage Would Be a Better Choice Than Concealer...

The dark circles under my eyes are taking over my face. I hear lack of sleep might be the culprit. No amount of face paint is going to fix this shit. Autism + new baby = facial disaster.

He's At It Again...

Well, Hayden locked himself in the car. Again. Brock and Granddaddy were the victims this time. Considering it has happened twice (well, minus the pregnant lady, Coolio, and sub-freezing temperatures), I've decided maybe I need to communicate better with my child. As many of you know, children with autism sometimes don't pick up on the things that normal children might. Because of this, I've decided to teach my children well. I think everyone should do this...

I've been thoroughly imprinting on my children ever since. Doesn't every five year old and four month old need to know specifics about objects they won't encounter for years? Possibly. Here's an example:

Me: This is a radar detector (said in my best Mr. Roger's voice). We use this to keep away from the po-po.
Hayden: Let's get some sinch sies (his interpretation: french fries).

So, the next time you're exercising to Ten Minute Trainer or weed eating your lawn, remember to teach your children well. You never know when that knowledge will be needed...

And The Winner Is...

Hello, detox. Fancy seeing you here. Not only does Hayden have a new sister, he also started kindergarten and is dumping metals like crazy. Good for autism. Bad for the Engler household.

I'm happy to report that if autism doesn't make you feel like a hypochondriac, nothing will. I know this from firsthand experience. I think Hayden has PANDAS. Sometimes you have to listen to your Mommy radar. Other times you need to listen to the autism warriors. These people know their shit. A few friends suggested that I look into this dreaded disorder (as if autism isn't enough), and I think for sure Hayden has it. Well, that and the fact that it's hotter than two hells in Kentucky. Those are the only two affirmatives (is that even a word?) in my life right now.

My life is circling the drain. Well, except for today. I'll take a break to celebrate the importance of my birth (does anyone else think this is an insane idea?). And while I'm at it (although I probably won't see any of them), I'll go ahead and place my order for some plastic surgery, a brand spankin' new pinny, and a piece of chocolate cake, please. Now all I need to do is get the leaf blower out to extinguish my birthday candles...

Medic!

I need a medic in the house. Hayden started kindergarten today. That makes me somewhat old. Time flies when you have no control over your life. It seems like only yesterday I was listening to Vanilla Ice and pulling my hair up in a scrunchy. Oh wait...it really was. Some things are better left unsaid. Anyway, congratulations to my big boy and may he have a wonderful new school year!