I See Something Shiny

There's nothing quite like finding a black widow spider nestled next to your garbanzo beans. This occurrence sent me into a crazed OCD cleaning fit. I drifted off into the pantry, armed with a vacuum cleaner and cheap ass paper towel. I spent much too long moving packages like I was waiting for a ninja to jump out. Luckily, no ninjas--or black widows--made their appearance.

Continuing my quest for black widow spiders (I was itching at this point, kinda like you do after you hear someone has lice), I moved on to the kitchen corners. Somewhere along the way--I'm not sure where--I forgot my pinto beans on the stove. My pot boileth over. (Off topic: we really like beans in this house, which might explain our lack of visitors).

I said all that to say all this. I am easily distracted. Today's initial plan: work from home. Today's actual accomplishment: the smell of burnt beans permeating throughout my kitchen.

Daily Affirmations, Confessions, and Dreams

Pregnancy underwear scares me. And this isn't some random thought that floats around in my head. I haven't finally flipped off the deep end. That thought flashes like a warning sign across my brain, because I know soon, I'll need to be fitting my extra large ass into a pair of them. I am pregnant again.

Let's get real here. It looks like I'm funneling Pabst's at an alarming rate. Past pregnancies, I've had a clear baby bump. Now, I just have a gut.

My goal for the future is to patent a maternity underwear that isn't big enough to live in, but does have a waistband large enough to make a WWE wrestler's belt look small.

By God, those f'ers won't roll down, will they?

Something I Learned Today

Trader Joe's Inside Out Carrot Cake Cookies aren't as good if you nearly choke to death on them.

Death by pussy willow AND gluten-laced cookie. Bummer.